Hi friends,
I have begun to notice a pattern since going back online. I have had three dates in a row that were 1st/last dates. Is it because I am more particular now? Am I just more blunt about my feelings so as not to waste anyone's time?
Sometimes I think you know right away; perhaps over the first sip of coffee, that you are just not going to want to be with this man for the long term. They may know it too - or they may be completely oblivious and/or just not super invested but either way over the last couple of dates they have certainly not seemed crushed when I said that I did not want to see them again.
Other times, the first date goes rather nicely, completely causing me to be surprised by what transpires before the second date has a chance to take off. Here's an example:
I had a date with a guy who was very pleasant, nice looking, seemed happy to be with me, etc, and we even went to a party together on our first date which I think was rather brave of both of us!
Not only did he navigate my friend's party quite nicely, but we ended up having to deal with an unexpected family matter ( these things sometimes happen when you have a teenager, life can be messy and imperfect ) and he did not panic or bolt, he took it in stride and was actually quite supportive and pleasant about the whole thing.
We talked during the week a few times and had pleasant conversations via phone and via text. We planned to have a second date which would be the following Sunday afternoon. A drink or a late lunch, we had not decided details yet. So Sunday, sometime before noon I realized that we had not spoken since Friday evening and that I wasn't sure what time we were to meet. So I texted him (in my light and casual manner which completely does not come naturally to me but I try,) asking what time he would like to meet. I will paraphrase in case he ever reads this so that he will not be angry at me for mimicking him, but basically I received very flip response of something like "oh yeah, I can't make it, I ended up getting a job today and I'm on my way to Connecticut." He is A freelance record, I should point out. Actually I think that is rather word for word, but what are the chances that he will read my blog? From there it spiraled out of control, I certainly understand somebody getting work, but I asked him if he had just found out about it that day (hopefully,) and he responded "no I have known for a couple of days but I forgot to mention it to you." Again, this would've been acceptable had he said "hey, sorry can you take a rain check?" Instead he proceeded to basically chew me out for not understanding why he had to pay his bills, and that we couldn't have a conversation about it if I didn't understand. I was really shocked. Of course I understood, I said I was talking about basic common courtesy and I wished that it had crossed his mind to cancel me. Or at the very least, to apologize when I texted and reminded him that we had a date. He balked, and acted as though I were a complete lunatic for expecting such courtesy and it ended up in such an ugly text war that I have never spoken to him again. It's so maddening to me when a man doesn't understand what you're trying to relay via text. Perhaps texting is not the best way to have this conversation but I could not believe that he didn't understand that what I was upset about was not that he had acquired work, but that he did not feel that he owed me a quick 30 second apology - or at least to say "can we do it another time?" His reaction showed me that he is definitely not one to consider me a priority, which is not a good sign of things to come so I told him that he made me feel quite unimportant and it was nice knowing him.
It's difficult after you have a nice first date. But as a friend of mine said, colors are going to come out usually after the first date and his charm certainly vanished into a haze of being a man who has never had to answer to anybody but himself. I find a lot of that in the men my age online; unless they have had successful relationships or kids or some kind of responsibility even two good friends in their lives that require them to think about others. It's a pshame, but at least he was a nice escort to the party.
No comments:
Post a Comment