Friday, February 28, 2014
Lessons in profile pics
Okay one quick note for tonight. If I could give a bit of advice to men online; here it would be: if a woman says that she wants to deal only with people in her general geographical area, please respect that. Oh, and for your own sake please do not contact me if you are 27 yes old, on a website that caters to middle-aged women and men? A little photography instruction if you don't mind? I don't spend much time on my profile pictures ; just a quick selfie on your iPhone is fine, however, please no Santa Claus hats, no photographs in a dirty bathroom mirror and no photographs where you are not wearing a shirt for no apparent reason i.e. you are not at the beach!! Thank you.
A variety of men's profiles
I leave you today with some highlights from profiles. More of my personal stories to come, I promise you. But it's Friday, time for some levity!
The adventurer (who obviously didn't read that I'm a self-proclaimed Law & Order addict...) Shockingly, the adventurer doesn't have kids. So of course he's spontaneous.
The successful man.
Economic status...I make a modest six-figure salary and my current value is just 600K.
The man who thinks women are insane.
The cliche poet.
Lastly? If you want not to scare off a woman? It might be a good idea not to continually stress in your profile heading that you are not a violent person....hopefully that is a given?
The adventurer (who obviously didn't read that I'm a self-proclaimed Law & Order addict...) Shockingly, the adventurer doesn't have kids. So of course he's spontaneous.
I'm always in the mood to travel. It may be to Vegas, Santa
Barbara, or Yosemite but there is no reason to sit on the couch and watch t.v.
The successful man.
Economic status...I make a modest six-figure salary and my current value is just 600K.
The man who thinks women are insane.
Some women may need a Therapist to help them solve their
problems and although I am very understanding, I am not a therapist. I can recommend one, if you
like.
The cliche poet.
Some things I do enjoy are...music, long walks, moonlit nights,
cool summer breezes, rubbing my toes in the sand, the giggle of children...
Lastly? If you want not to scare off a woman? It might be a good idea not to continually stress in your profile heading that you are not a violent person....hopefully that is a given?
My first online "romance".
I suppose this is where I should have started...but it's the painful part.
I spent Memorial Day 2013-Labor Day 2013 speaking to a man that I met on Match.com...we will call him Jerry Anderson, because that is what he called himself. JERRY ANDERSON. I believe that to be his name. I believe that he was in the Philippines at the time of our conversations. I believe that he grew to care about me despite himself, but nothing else about Jerry Anderson was true, nor kind.
I consider myself a street-smart woman. Never have I claimed to be an intellectual, or highly educated - but I inherited my mother's common sense, social intelligence, and I believe that growing up in NYC in the 70's & 80's gives me a badge of honor, of survival, of cynicism that I've earned. Ironically, when one of us (women) is lonely, finally ready after an ugly divorce and several years of being quite happy to be single; when we decide to venture out there, we sometimes do it with blinders on. And, when we WANT so much to believe in someone, in anyone, sometimes I think we ignore our internal red flags and all of our very smart girlfriends' advice. We take the plunge.
I didn't get scammed in the obvious way...I didn't give my savings up for a cause, or anything like that. But there are ways that professionals can find to hurt you financially that you may not see coming. I have an open NYPD/FBI case open on Jerry Anderson so I cannot go into details, but just please, please do not do any favors that you are not 100% sure that you should do, and try to wait until you've met. Jerry Anderson and I have never met and we never will.
If you see the name JERRY ANDERSON please stay far, far away. By the way? My dogs could screen men better and more thoroughly than Match does. I ran into nothing but problems there, and I do not profile myself as wealthy (I'm not), widowed (I'm not) or any of the other qualifications that are usually a magnet to these dishonest men. The only thing I've been faulted with by friends is being too kind. Well, that will not change, I am kind, and I'm pretty sure that if I don't get into heaven it will not be for being kind......
Let's move on. To more amusing fakes. Amou. A very gorgeous (if slightly short) French man I met on Match. I was savvy by then; when Amou said that he'd 'love to meet' but was about to take an international business trip (WARNING - sudden, international trips, unless you are dating an extraordinarily important person, are usually a huge red flag if you've not met yet!!), I said that I wanted proof. He sent me his Delta flight details. Amou & son were apparently truly headed off to South Africa. That's the hard part about scammers; they throw real details into the mix and you feel like you have some sort of proof that they exist, 'look!' I said to my girlfriend, 'he's really going to Cape Town!'...Jesus, how my standards have fallen. I'm excited just by not being lied to by a man. Like I drew the freaking golden ticket because there is some truth, somewhere in there.
Flash forward, Amou reached the airport, called me, and reportedly was 'so fatigued' that he'd mistakenly checked his bag with his laptop and wallet in it. Guess what? Bag never made it to the other side of the world, and Amou wanted me to wire him some cash. I refused, obviously, I was onto him. The next couple of days played out like a scene from Les Mis....Amou & his boy were poor, stranded, apparently having no other resources but me (???) and staying in a cheap motel while his son suffered from asthma attacks. Why he could not go to a hospital, a consulate, a church, a business colleague, I've never understood. What I do understand? Is that a couple of days later, I saw Amou's picture on Match - but with a different profile name - happily taking an African safari...no sign of poverty, ill son or even a frown on his face. I typed under his photo "nice pic! was this by any chance taken in South Africa?" - an hour later his profile was gone from Match. I reported him to Match, but I'm fairly certain at this point that they don't really care. I'm a serial reporter. More to come....
I spent Memorial Day 2013-Labor Day 2013 speaking to a man that I met on Match.com...we will call him Jerry Anderson, because that is what he called himself. JERRY ANDERSON. I believe that to be his name. I believe that he was in the Philippines at the time of our conversations. I believe that he grew to care about me despite himself, but nothing else about Jerry Anderson was true, nor kind.
I consider myself a street-smart woman. Never have I claimed to be an intellectual, or highly educated - but I inherited my mother's common sense, social intelligence, and I believe that growing up in NYC in the 70's & 80's gives me a badge of honor, of survival, of cynicism that I've earned. Ironically, when one of us (women) is lonely, finally ready after an ugly divorce and several years of being quite happy to be single; when we decide to venture out there, we sometimes do it with blinders on. And, when we WANT so much to believe in someone, in anyone, sometimes I think we ignore our internal red flags and all of our very smart girlfriends' advice. We take the plunge.
I didn't get scammed in the obvious way...I didn't give my savings up for a cause, or anything like that. But there are ways that professionals can find to hurt you financially that you may not see coming. I have an open NYPD/FBI case open on Jerry Anderson so I cannot go into details, but just please, please do not do any favors that you are not 100% sure that you should do, and try to wait until you've met. Jerry Anderson and I have never met and we never will.
If you see the name JERRY ANDERSON please stay far, far away. By the way? My dogs could screen men better and more thoroughly than Match does. I ran into nothing but problems there, and I do not profile myself as wealthy (I'm not), widowed (I'm not) or any of the other qualifications that are usually a magnet to these dishonest men. The only thing I've been faulted with by friends is being too kind. Well, that will not change, I am kind, and I'm pretty sure that if I don't get into heaven it will not be for being kind......
Let's move on. To more amusing fakes. Amou. A very gorgeous (if slightly short) French man I met on Match. I was savvy by then; when Amou said that he'd 'love to meet' but was about to take an international business trip (WARNING - sudden, international trips, unless you are dating an extraordinarily important person, are usually a huge red flag if you've not met yet!!), I said that I wanted proof. He sent me his Delta flight details. Amou & son were apparently truly headed off to South Africa. That's the hard part about scammers; they throw real details into the mix and you feel like you have some sort of proof that they exist, 'look!' I said to my girlfriend, 'he's really going to Cape Town!'...Jesus, how my standards have fallen. I'm excited just by not being lied to by a man. Like I drew the freaking golden ticket because there is some truth, somewhere in there.
Flash forward, Amou reached the airport, called me, and reportedly was 'so fatigued' that he'd mistakenly checked his bag with his laptop and wallet in it. Guess what? Bag never made it to the other side of the world, and Amou wanted me to wire him some cash. I refused, obviously, I was onto him. The next couple of days played out like a scene from Les Mis....Amou & his boy were poor, stranded, apparently having no other resources but me (???) and staying in a cheap motel while his son suffered from asthma attacks. Why he could not go to a hospital, a consulate, a church, a business colleague, I've never understood. What I do understand? Is that a couple of days later, I saw Amou's picture on Match - but with a different profile name - happily taking an African safari...no sign of poverty, ill son or even a frown on his face. I typed under his photo "nice pic! was this by any chance taken in South Africa?" - an hour later his profile was gone from Match. I reported him to Match, but I'm fairly certain at this point that they don't really care. I'm a serial reporter. More to come....
Online ADD
This evening's views of my profile were...eclectic. I think that's the trendy, polite way of saying they were bizarre. But I suppose it's good to know that there is such a variety of men online. Whether you might like Shorty who is pretty much just that...or Pigeon, from Tx, who claims to love hunting, fishing and shoe shopping with women, or an old favorite; fast Eddie, who is 80 years old, but claims to be very active because of his blue pills! I suppose that there is someone for everyone.
My profile specifically says "please be in the New York area", and yet all of these gentlemen seem to come from the deep South or the Midwest. They make no mention of wanting to relocate either...
I referred earlier to my favorite term, online ADD. (this line is actually credited to a friend that I've made during this process. A real friend, a grown up man! Trust me, this is a rarity and should be cherished...) I feel like what happens with online dating is there is always somebody else to choose from, and always something else to look at and the grass is always greener.... Not much else could explain the interest and lack of interest back and forth, back and forth at such a rapid rate. No sooner do we agree to chat with somebody, but then that somebody vanishes. Fast as lightening. The internet seems to kill off any sense of putting effort into a conversation or a relationship.
I had a very nice marine talk with me a few times online, and even ask me for my personal email address. I agreed, and we exchanged a few emails over a couple of days. I thought that we were getting along. He said that he thought we were hitting it off and that he would love to meet me. I invited him to a museum opening (a place that I thought would be nice and public and safe, and still fun/trendy, the re-opening of the Queens museum where my amazing friend Lindsy has a gorgeous Tiffany exhibit....but I digress) in an email - and I never heard back again. Why? Why not just say 'no thanks' 'met someone thinner' 'I hate museums'...anything!? How were these men raised by their mothers? I feel like hopping around online is a right. But once you've requested a personal email or phone # and actually talked offline a few times, it might be nice to say "I'm moving on" if you are actually the one suggesting to meet. Manners. Thoughtfulness. These are good qualities.
Online dating appears to be something like an adult candy store where "adult" men have trouble making a selection; even if they manage to run the rest of their lives and careers quite (supposedly/according to their puffed up profiles) successfully and obviously are capable of making decisions in other areas.
This is frustrating but harmless. In my next entry will tell you about some situations that were not harmless. Fake profiles, scammers and people that are just seemingly very lonely and looking to talk to somebody, anybody, at any expense.
My profile specifically says "please be in the New York area", and yet all of these gentlemen seem to come from the deep South or the Midwest. They make no mention of wanting to relocate either...
I referred earlier to my favorite term, online ADD. (this line is actually credited to a friend that I've made during this process. A real friend, a grown up man! Trust me, this is a rarity and should be cherished...) I feel like what happens with online dating is there is always somebody else to choose from, and always something else to look at and the grass is always greener.... Not much else could explain the interest and lack of interest back and forth, back and forth at such a rapid rate. No sooner do we agree to chat with somebody, but then that somebody vanishes. Fast as lightening. The internet seems to kill off any sense of putting effort into a conversation or a relationship.
I had a very nice marine talk with me a few times online, and even ask me for my personal email address. I agreed, and we exchanged a few emails over a couple of days. I thought that we were getting along. He said that he thought we were hitting it off and that he would love to meet me. I invited him to a museum opening (a place that I thought would be nice and public and safe, and still fun/trendy, the re-opening of the Queens museum where my amazing friend Lindsy has a gorgeous Tiffany exhibit....but I digress) in an email - and I never heard back again. Why? Why not just say 'no thanks' 'met someone thinner' 'I hate museums'...anything!? How were these men raised by their mothers? I feel like hopping around online is a right. But once you've requested a personal email or phone # and actually talked offline a few times, it might be nice to say "I'm moving on" if you are actually the one suggesting to meet. Manners. Thoughtfulness. These are good qualities.
Online dating appears to be something like an adult candy store where "adult" men have trouble making a selection; even if they manage to run the rest of their lives and careers quite (supposedly/according to their puffed up profiles) successfully and obviously are capable of making decisions in other areas.
This is frustrating but harmless. In my next entry will tell you about some situations that were not harmless. Fake profiles, scammers and people that are just seemingly very lonely and looking to talk to somebody, anybody, at any expense.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Small waists are apparently important.
February 27, 2014
Here is a profile description from a man who viewed me this morning. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but isn't it a bit random?
"I like everything except liver unless it's with saut?ed onions a little lemon, butter and white wine. Looking for a gorgeous positive woman who understands and is ready to share what life still has to offer."
Ok, so he's out for liver and love. Ideally, I take it, a woman who would understand his love for liver? Next?
Next would be a man who feels like he needs to tell us (us, being the women who are reading his profile) that he: maintains a 32 inch waist, he's recently shaved his beard and is attracting a lot of attention for it, and that he looks 10 years younger than he is. How many, many men want to tell us that they are young, fit, live for the gym and that they look '10 years younger' than they are, according to friends, or, according to women. Is the 32 inch waist impressive? Sure. That's why Jerry wrote in '32' on all of his jeans on Seinfeld. But is it the end-all? Not to this woman.
I'm going to refer to 'us' often, and I hope that I don't offend anyone. Women who are dating online like myself are varied, complex, wonderful, interesting, and diverse - obviously we are not all the same 'type' of women. That said, I want to relay how I feel like we are all on the same page or fighting the same battle; the battle of what I'd like to call online dating ADD amongst men.
The dishonesty. The mystery. I want anyone who has faced some of the things that I have faced to know that she isn't alone. I will tell you stories of scammers, fake profiles, desperately sad widowers, really intense, angry men, men who ask for my number and then completely vanish after what I've considered to be 2-3 nice exchanges offline......I've met them all online, and only over a period of 8-9 months. Please feel free to learn from my experiences, laugh with me, and share yours in the comments. Ready?
Here is a profile description from a man who viewed me this morning. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but isn't it a bit random?
"I like everything except liver unless it's with saut?ed onions a little lemon, butter and white wine. Looking for a gorgeous positive woman who understands and is ready to share what life still has to offer."
Ok, so he's out for liver and love. Ideally, I take it, a woman who would understand his love for liver? Next?
Next would be a man who feels like he needs to tell us (us, being the women who are reading his profile) that he: maintains a 32 inch waist, he's recently shaved his beard and is attracting a lot of attention for it, and that he looks 10 years younger than he is. How many, many men want to tell us that they are young, fit, live for the gym and that they look '10 years younger' than they are, according to friends, or, according to women. Is the 32 inch waist impressive? Sure. That's why Jerry wrote in '32' on all of his jeans on Seinfeld. But is it the end-all? Not to this woman.
I'm going to refer to 'us' often, and I hope that I don't offend anyone. Women who are dating online like myself are varied, complex, wonderful, interesting, and diverse - obviously we are not all the same 'type' of women. That said, I want to relay how I feel like we are all on the same page or fighting the same battle; the battle of what I'd like to call online dating ADD amongst men.
The dishonesty. The mystery. I want anyone who has faced some of the things that I have faced to know that she isn't alone. I will tell you stories of scammers, fake profiles, desperately sad widowers, really intense, angry men, men who ask for my number and then completely vanish after what I've considered to be 2-3 nice exchanges offline......I've met them all online, and only over a period of 8-9 months. Please feel free to learn from my experiences, laugh with me, and share yours in the comments. Ready?
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