He's an admitted pervert, but a great dad & he cooks a mean fried chicken.

I've got no idea if I am legally supposed to cut & paste profiles....but without doing so, I am afraid I might miss some of this gentleman's fine nuances. So here we go:

My self-summary:

I am a sex blogger, and so my life is an open book. Want a page to yourself?

There, you will find that I am bisexual, enjoy BDSM, and host orgies. You'll also read about my interest in art, history and travel.

I am easy, alert, and perverted.

What I’m doing with my life
A few years ago, I started my life over after the end of my marriage. These days, I am a doting father and a hard-working writer. I'm also an adventurous pervert.

I’m really good at:
I'm an awesome dad.

Art and history take up a lot of my head space. I take sex seriously, always studying to increase my skill sets.

I also make a mean fried chicken, and my deviled eggs are to die.

I'm one of those "people" people you hear so much about.

The first things people usually notice about me
Why, I'm not at all scary.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Friday night.
On a typical Friday night I am Thinking about Saturday.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
It's all in the blog, baby.

I’m looking for
Guys and girls who like bi guys
Ages 18–78
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You are smarter and better-looking than me.

Heck, even if you are dumb and ugly, give it a shot. I'm famously easy.

Very confident Italian man!

Check out this profile from a man who just sent me a "Flirt", a symbol that, without any follow-up,  I have decided means nothing at all...

"I'm Italian 49 good looking man from bklyn ny self-employed, sexy emerald green eyes, smooth bald head, moustache&goatee, I'm looking for ladies of any race to please a hot older man as I will please you back "SEXY BLACK FEMALES A BIG PLUS" get back at me ." 

Gee, I so felt tempted to hit him back. But then, I recalled two important facts. First, I am not a sexy black female so evidently have one strike against me already, secondly I am not, in fact, younger than he is. Based on those two facts, I am pretty sure the competition would just be too fierce. (: 

Please...don't tell me how to dress?

There are a lot of specifics within men's requests online, what a woman should be: in shape, not overweight, not a cold fish, open-minded, not bring her baggage along for the ride, be open to new experiences, etc. etc. etc. - but sometimes they are very specific. Which is totally fine, but if I wanted my hair/clothes/behavior to be constantly critiqued? If I wanted to continue to walk on eggshells? If I wanted to try to be someone that I am not in my heart? I could have stayed married.

Here is an example, please notice the 'handsome'....I assume this is either Cary Grant speaking, back in the day when calling a woman 'handsome' was a compliment, or, it's a cut & paste from a friend's profile?

Now, I don't happen to walk around in baseball caps OR cut off t-shirts. But I wonder, why does he care so much about such a detail? It makes me wonder. Control freak? Old-fashioned? Good luck, dude, this is NYC. Women don't usually like to be told how to wear their t-shirts. Should I tell him that I don't like the fact that his button-down shirt is buttoned down one or 2 buttons too many for my taste? Is that fair?

About the one I'm looking for...

GREAT PERSONALITY, HONEST, HANDSOME, SEXY, GOOD DRESSER, CLEAN AND HEALTHY OUTLOOK, DANCER, SMART, LOYAL, AMBITIOUS, HONEST! I ONLY WANT TO MEET A PROFESSIONAL, A GENTLEWOMAN, SOMEONE WHO DRESSES WELL, IS WELL GROOMED AND DOESN'T WALK AROUND IN BASEBALL CAPS AND CUT OFF TEE SHIRTS.

The Dark Knight....

Ok, friends, here's one for you. Someone by the profile name Dark Knight is sending me likes & flirts....which are really pretty useless unless you also say something...and have a photo? No photo.

What do you think the chances are I'll get lucky & he will look like Christian Bale or maybe Heath Ledger? Yea, I'm thinking more likely Christian Bale in American Hustle. Because it's Monday. And Mondays roll that way.

Literally cannot understand this profile. Happy Monday to me.

Am I the only one that finds this confusing? I bolded the segment that causes me the most confusion....I'm assuming he wouldn't want to live with me and my dogs? His interests are wide, I'll grant him that. I think I'm going to keep looking. I am not a fan of shark hunting and I am not a 'Scorpio, Fish, nor a Cancer'....darn. So close to finding my perfect match! A near miss.....

A little about me...

A city person.Somewhere between a business suit and city casual dress.I do not mind the country if it is less then a 14 days.I get home sick after that.I start to miss 24 hr convenience of of the stores and restaurants in the city.However I do like to go camping.Sleep in the tent.
I never ever went fishing.Except one time in Hawaii for the sharks.Long time ago.I do not share my living chambers with any animals, since my central heating works pretty well.I do not have desire to live in the biblical times. Nor would like to live like a somewhere within the margins of the first world.However it seems that some of the dogs occasionally find my legs or my feet curiously attractive.

About the one I'm looking for...

I do click well with Scorpio,Fish and Cancer.

I'd just like to add...

My interests range from decorating,cooking , bargain hunting antiquing new model train cars,fine wines and arts, camping, snow skiing,ice skating,galleries,museums,travel,flea markets to exploring unusual and mysterious.That may include but not limited to Florida Everglades , Alligator Farm, udegrounds of Vienna,The Tower of London,Place de la Concorde, Catacombs of Prague, Hawaiian Volcanoes or Favelas of Rio de Janeiro.
.

 

The Angry Man

Okay, so I totally get it. Likely your life has not been perfect nor easy, but guess what? Neither has mine. And yet, I try to stay cheerful and positive, particularly in public! There are a smattering of men online who have obviously been burned. Ironically, a lot of these men are A. Obviously still looking for women and B. Are telling women not to bring their own baggage on a date! I have absolutely no idea what kind of women are approaching a man like this. But not this woman, thank you. Example of an angry man:

Hurry, finish up with your 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, go out feed the hummingbird, light the wick of your Better Homes and Gardens jar candle you got for Christmas from your other single girl friend and then sit down because you're not going to freaking believe it when you freaking hear it:
Totally awesome wealthy jet-setting handsome debonair, who gallivants the world like Ponce De Leon, fights fires, scuba dives, rescues baby kittens, jumped a Harley over Caesars Palace, patched a hole in a hot air balloon while still in the air, paraglided over the Grand Canyon, caught babe Ruth's last home run, pulled an elephant out of quicksand while on safari, and for the love of God saved the only baby unicorn from the jaws of a giant hippopotamus........... franklin delanore cheez & crackers what more could a girl want?

OK OK so the truth is I'm totally not awesome. Everyone else on here seems to be doing something fascinating; I on the other hand do not. I live in reality world and am genuine; eat vegetables and yogurts so I can take out the garbage, vacuum up spiders, and once while alone I turned off all the lights and watched a Meredith Baxter-Birney Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel......... and liked it!

About the one I'm looking for...

Ok girlfriends, I'll tell you what - you look like nice peoples - I'm going to help you out here with some free advice, and it's a good thing you're still sitting down because you're not going to believe this either when you hear it: after viewing many profiles, it seems most of you are either looking to date Jesus or a golden retriever, because I'm sorry to herby inform you that most human men can't possibly live up to your fantasy high standards and meet your criteria of laundry list of must-haves. (i.e. he must be 6 ft., must be a Christian, [isn't there any nice boys at your church?] must be clean shaven, must have no self pictures, must have no hair on his back, must be this must be that)
You want the truth? ("you can't handle the truth," as they say in the movies.) Real human men eat in bed, leave a trail of crumbs everywhere, may or may not have old moldy stuff in the fridge, could have football helmets or taxidermy on their wall, and according to Judge Judy, who claims she was once wrong in 1958, says that we are immature. So it must be true, right?

I'd just like to add...

Since never married or wanted, I must be either:
1. Like the pretty girl who never gets asked to prom
2. ignored like the Professor and Mary Ann in the first season of Gilligan's island in black & white, when in the opening theme song they didn't even get a mention or their picture in the ship steering wheel thing; it was just "and the rest"
3. Like the TV show Seinfeld; a show about nothing


Note to self:
I know I know it must be the pits to be a single woman in today's cruel world: getting flirts and attention from all the gentlemen; having to field offers all night and day long for free drinks, dinners, movies, show tickets, sporting events, romantic sunsets, romance, cruises; showered with gifts, flowers, and jewelry. I mean please, somebody, anybody, try to find a place deep inside your heart!

Friday favorite - best profile of the day.

I'm not against a feminine side in a man but.....the last line kind of gets to me. Is that awful to admit? Whatever happened to Brando? James Dean?

 

A little about me...

tall,slender,white, great smile, fantastic kisser,long brown hair,blue eyes, 46 years old

About the one I'm looking for...

a casual relationship, with romance and intimacy. someone who i can laugh with and also tells me it's ok to cry. looking for a passionate, , lover.

I'd just like to add...

love, sports, and taking romantic walks, , italian and mexican food, sex ,pink is my favorite color. love cooking for my partner. love pink flowers, soft music, candles, breakfast in bed

 

 

Grammar is important.

I am far from perfect in this area, but as an example:

"I’m a very serious and dedicated professional at work. However, when it’s time to have fun , I let loose and know how to have a great laugh when I’m not there! Ps: If your affectionate, that’s a bonus!"

It's 'you're' - and, how does he have a great laugh when he isn't there? Confused, as usual on this site....

Today's winning profile

I'm not sure what this gentleman is saying.... also, I'm assuming that he took part of this profile description from a female friend - unless he himself wears lipstick? Too much confusion for me to deal with this morning. Cannot pursue any further....

I am vulnerable about my exterior appearance, about my body. I do not like when you compliment me about my aspect with jokes. I like and sometimes even prefer a stranger's compliment when it is said appropriately. I like when you surprise me with your compliments. Being surprised is like feeling there is something new, novel. I appreciate constructive suggestions, for example about the way I dress, but I do not like when you joke about it. If there is something you do not like, for example my new lipstick, tell it with courtesy, and buy me another one without letting me know.

"A little bit about me..."

"Hi and thanks for reading this. I am divorced, live alone in San Rafael and am looking for a fairytale romance..

PS....important, I am in favor of medical brownies, they relax me. If that bothers you, I'm sorry but it's a deal breaker."

Shocked that he lives in California? (: Apologies to my girlfriends in Cali, but you know what I mean....I can picture him floating around Berkeley...

Catholic man seeking freaky woman for sex

Today's prize profile. Happy Monday!

About the one I'm looking for...

I am looking for a sexy female who likes to let loose and have fun. She is not afraid to try something new at least once. Someone who is freaky and nasty like me.

Everyone has a "type." You must willing to step outside of your comfort zone, and explore the possibilities of "types" you would have excluded. One will never know unless they broaden their horizons. (Windsor)

I am Catholic. 

Not a red letter day for blogging!

Today is one of those days, where if I had not made a good friend on the website, I would give up on online dating. I have a friend that I love to talk to on the dating site and that (as I've said) should be treasured. Otherwise, it has been pretty much flat today. Despite my continued plea to hear only from men in New York, today's views or flirts or whatever were from Arizona, California, Maine, Colorado, Florida, and Texas. Awesome. Also, although my friend Sarah finds it charming, I cannot chat with a man who puts the lyrics to "I feel pretty" all throughout his profile,  changing them to fit a man. Nor do I really find it appealing when every single picture of a man in his profile is in a muscle T-shirt. And, lastly, I had one of those repeat and then disappear message-senders, oh and a man who sent me one message, I sent a message back thinking I was being witty, and he blocked me ! Could I have been that offensive? Did he not understand my New York sarcasm? Was he offended that I am a Christian (which was relevant to my joke)?

Cannot lose sleep over it, off to take a walk with the dogs as it is finally not in the single digits anymore. have a great night and good luck to you !!

What's in a profile??

I admit it - I did not spend hours on my profile. I have had friends offer to help; I don't want anyone to edit it, look at it, fine-tune it...I wanted to wing it, have it be the real me - put a bit of thought as to the few things that I knew I HAD to say (i.e. I am Christian, I am a parent, I have dogs), express my devotion to my city and get on with it. I know myself and if I began to make it more lengthy, more in-depth (as any of my long-suffering friends can tell you) I would end up with a novel. I would fret, edit, change it....jumping on soap boxes (vaccinate your kids! Adopt a rescue dog/cat!) and nobody wants to read all of that.

Similarly, I took simple iPhone selfies and I didn't have a professional photographer take my shots, nor did I use shots from 20 years ago. I even have a full-body shot (with the company of a high school bff in the picture with me which made me feel more comfortable) even though I am working hard on losing weight. Fair is fair.

That said....

Some people really should have an editor. Or a friend. Or for God's sake, use spell check?

Here are some cut & pastes from profiles that I just. don't. understand.

I am wanting to share time with a beautiful woman, be tickled just right inside. I like that, and want more…….

-------------------------

Me: music. Paints good conversation, responsable

--------------------------

*Hello. My phone has a flashlite and an fm radio but no camera. My vice is bolted to the end of my workbench. My shoes are muddy by day but shined at night. I've learned that no good deed goes unpunished but that does not deter me.*

--------------------------------

A little about me: Restaurant

im a good guy. im not joe dink thats always looking for a better deal and treating people like crap. so if anyone still wants a nice guy, its up to you. Nothing else to say.

-------*to be fair, this profile is intelligible but I just don't think I'm clever enough to get why I should be amused/attracted to it?

Today's winner

The absolute least appealing profile of the day.

A little about me: I love being with my woman and having so much fun and I love sex all the time so if u like me I,am here for u.in new York and email me OK.

Has he not heard of the word. "Subtle"? 

Profile names

Pigeon is viewing me again . He lives in Wisconsin. I live in NYC and my profile name is...my first & middle names. Why pigeon ?

That said, why sohot4u, why iamfitat57, why bigdaddylove, why ianalyzu?

What's in a name ? I like something straightforward, or, something artistic or interesting...but pigeon? I just can't bring myself to read past it. I live in NYC, I hate pigeons. Sorry, feeling grumbly tonight.

Profiles that puzzle me...

"If I wanted someone too lecture me I would have married Einstein. I'm a man of few words this is killing me ,I'm I above my limit please god I hope I am, if I'm not yada, yada, yada, that has too be enough.. Just have too add this I'm not mad nor angry in this pic , despite what everybody thinks its just me being me. I don't work we'll with camera,s that evident. So belive it or not I'm happy.. That leaves me with 743 letters left so I'm torn between a great philosophic rant about what life means to me , or how great tree,s are , or why you should like this , but that's not me ! I say view it , read it , if like it , that's great if you don't it's still good. "


What would a woman possibly say to this? 

Mick Jagger

It's the night of the Oscar's, which I love. So before I watch it, I thought I'd share one quick and rather vulgar note from a "gentleman" online:

 "I am kinky sexually and do not like vanilla. So if you want 'accountant' sex, move on, if you want 'Mick Jagger' sex - that would be me."

Happy Hollywood Sunday! 

Andre

Today I thought I might share with you another story of a man who was not honest online.
That's right, not honest online...shocking I know. Andre is Dutch and a widower with two adorable girls. I was able to find him on Facebook which was a nice change from the several men before him who did not use any kind of social media and did not have any information about them on Google at all.  Zero ability to look them up. So Andre seemed very nice , but here we go - he needed to take an overseas trip immediately for his antiques business. This antiques business also could not be found online, but I let it go.

Flash forward a couple of weeks; Andre messages me that he would like to ask me a favor: could he have a few boxes of precious antiques shipped to my apartment? Mind you we had not met yet. And still,  here I was, apparently the only person that he trusted to hold these antiques for him until his return. Just out of curiosity I asked a friend of mine in the business and she said it was probably something illegal like ivory that was not allowed to be shipped into the country. My background a.k.a. growing up in New York in the 60s and 70s made me suspicious about drugs etc. and obviously I turned him down. This previously very nice man suddenly became very irate; texting me to say that I was extremely selfish and obviously did not care about his success or his business at all.

I did not hear from Andre after that... but for fun I looked up his Facebook page a couple of weeks later & it had been taken down. With this kind of man you are left wondering, were the girls in the picture on Facebook even his? Was he in antiques dealer? So many questions, if one really cared enough to worry about it. He was sweet but I did not invest a lot of time, and so I was not terribly crushed.

Also,  having an open FBI case already, I have been told about many of the warning signs such as having boxes shipped to you or asking you to ship things for them... pretty much anything that has to do with the mail is a bad idea !!

Andre was a short but sweet online experience that left me wondering if he was really a widower, if any of his story was true, all of it was true or none of it was true. Of course the sad thing about being hidden behind a computer is that you will never know.

Onward & upward.