Hurry, finish up with your 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, go out feed the hummingbird, light the wick of your Better Homes and Gardens jar candle you got for Christmas from your other single girl friend and then sit down because you're not going to freaking believe it when you freaking hear it:
Totally awesome wealthy jet-setting handsome debonair, who gallivants the world like Ponce De Leon, fights fires, scuba dives, rescues baby kittens, jumped a Harley over Caesars Palace, patched a hole in a hot air balloon while still in the air, paraglided over the Grand Canyon, caught babe Ruth's last home run, pulled an elephant out of quicksand while on safari, and for the love of God saved the only baby unicorn from the jaws of a giant hippopotamus........... franklin delanore cheez & crackers what more could a girl want?
OK OK so the truth is I'm totally not awesome. Everyone else on here seems to be doing something fascinating; I on the other hand do not. I live in reality world and am genuine; eat vegetables and yogurts so I can take out the garbage, vacuum up spiders, and once while alone I turned off all the lights and watched a Meredith Baxter-Birney Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel......... and liked it!
Totally awesome wealthy jet-setting handsome debonair, who gallivants the world like Ponce De Leon, fights fires, scuba dives, rescues baby kittens, jumped a Harley over Caesars Palace, patched a hole in a hot air balloon while still in the air, paraglided over the Grand Canyon, caught babe Ruth's last home run, pulled an elephant out of quicksand while on safari, and for the love of God saved the only baby unicorn from the jaws of a giant hippopotamus........... franklin delanore cheez & crackers what more could a girl want?
OK OK so the truth is I'm totally not awesome. Everyone else on here seems to be doing something fascinating; I on the other hand do not. I live in reality world and am genuine; eat vegetables and yogurts so I can take out the garbage, vacuum up spiders, and once while alone I turned off all the lights and watched a Meredith Baxter-Birney Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel......... and liked it!
About the one I'm looking for...
Ok girlfriends, I'll tell you what - you look like nice peoples - I'm going to help you out here with some free advice, and it's a good thing you're still sitting down because you're not going to believe this either when you hear it: after viewing many profiles, it seems most of you are either looking to date Jesus or a golden retriever, because I'm sorry to herby inform you that most human men can't possibly live up to your fantasy high standards and meet your criteria of laundry list of must-haves. (i.e. he must be 6 ft., must be a Christian, [isn't there any nice boys at your church?] must be clean shaven, must have no self pictures, must have no hair on his back, must be this must be that)
You want the truth? ("you can't handle the truth," as they say in the movies.) Real human men eat in bed, leave a trail of crumbs everywhere, may or may not have old moldy stuff in the fridge, could have football helmets or taxidermy on their wall, and according to Judge Judy, who claims she was once wrong in 1958, says that we are immature. So it must be true, right?
You want the truth? ("you can't handle the truth," as they say in the movies.) Real human men eat in bed, leave a trail of crumbs everywhere, may or may not have old moldy stuff in the fridge, could have football helmets or taxidermy on their wall, and according to Judge Judy, who claims she was once wrong in 1958, says that we are immature. So it must be true, right?
I'd just like to add...
Since never married or wanted, I must be either:
1. Like the pretty girl who never gets asked to prom
2. ignored like the Professor and Mary Ann in the first season of Gilligan's island in black & white, when in the opening theme song they didn't even get a mention or their picture in the ship steering wheel thing; it was just "and the rest"
3. Like the TV show Seinfeld; a show about nothing
Note to self:
I know I know it must be the pits to be a single woman in today's cruel world: getting flirts and attention from all the gentlemen; having to field offers all night and day long for free drinks, dinners, movies, show tickets, sporting events, romantic sunsets, romance, cruises; showered with gifts, flowers, and jewelry. I mean please, somebody, anybody, try to find a place deep inside your heart!
1. Like the pretty girl who never gets asked to prom
2. ignored like the Professor and Mary Ann in the first season of Gilligan's island in black & white, when in the opening theme song they didn't even get a mention or their picture in the ship steering wheel thing; it was just "and the rest"
3. Like the TV show Seinfeld; a show about nothing
Note to self:
I know I know it must be the pits to be a single woman in today's cruel world: getting flirts and attention from all the gentlemen; having to field offers all night and day long for free drinks, dinners, movies, show tickets, sporting events, romantic sunsets, romance, cruises; showered with gifts, flowers, and jewelry. I mean please, somebody, anybody, try to find a place deep inside your heart!
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